These fast but fugly creatures are evidence of why form shouldn’t alwaysbe permitted to follow function when it comes to supercars. Shield your eyes, children.
Styled by a blind man, the Japanese Orochi is neither beautiful, nor fast. Its 3.1-litre Toyota V6 – also used in Camrys and Hiluxes – needs every one of its 173kW to move the 1590kg Orochi. And by move, we mean, you’ll want to take the Stelvio in the downhill direction.
Made in Germany and looking like it’s having an allergic reaction to something, the wide and wild Apollo was basically a racecar with numberplates. A 588kW, twin-turbo 4.2-litre V8 was nestled in a spaceframe chassis, and clad in carbonfibre panels it weighed 1100kg.
If a mummy rhinoceros and a daddy echidna loved each other very much, they might conceive something like the Panoz Abruzzi. Though visually-challenged, a 440kW front-engine V8 powered the rear wheels. Eighty one were built to celebrate 81 years of Le Mans.
Ever wondered why sports bike makers don’t have a crack at cars? Here is the evidence: a hammerhead shark on wheels. Still, it had a 3.5-litre V12, 300kW and weighed 1150kg. It went over budget and was never produced.
As close as you’ll get to an F1 car for the road, the goggle-eyed, insect-like T1 was built by engineers who worked on the McLaren F1. With a 3.5-litre, 429kW atmo V8 – in a chassis weighing 470kg – the berserk T1 was on fire (sometimes literally).
One-off, Gallardo-based, with a 447kW V10 and as gentle on the eyeballs as sulfuric acid. With styling modelled off a fighter jet, you’d ask Lamborghini to fit yours with an ejector seat in case you ever drove past somebody you knew.
Soon people will see the Veyron for what it is: fairly unfriendly to the eyeballs. Looking like a wombat run over by a semi-trailer, the worst were those painted to look even more offensive. Like this L’or Blanc, adorned in porcelain, made to look like it’s parked under lights. Hmm.
Looking like it just crawled out of a river in the Chernobyl exclusion zone, the Covini brings a little F1 Tyrrell P34 to the 21st century. Boasting a 4.2-litre V8 and rear-wheel drive, the Italians who built it say the extra wheels give more front-end grip and better braking. Who cares?
WEBER FASTER ONE
One for the ‘put-it-back-it’s-not-done-yet’ files, the Swiss Faster One might have a moustache, but its speed will boil the marrow in your bones. Weighing 900kg with a 671kW twin-supercharged LS7 V8 and AWD, it hits 100km/h in 2.7sec. Fast, but fugly.
The Cormeum started life as a dignified Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG, then the Swiss tuning house Mansory worked their, er, magic and mostly ruined it. With a silly wing on the back, Ferrari 599 lights at the front and a one almighty grille, this one has a face only its mother could love. Fortunately just 15 SLS’s were ruined by Mansory so the chances of you ever seeing a Cormeum are slim.
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