Presenting the most craptacular car names ever. Just when you thought the Ford Probe was bad, we give you...
Honda Vamos Hobio Travel Dog
Honda’s 2003, three-cylinder micro-van was trumpeted as the world’s first dog-friendly small utility vehicle. In hindsight, it’s probably no surprise it was also the world’s last.
Sounds brassy and tough and futuristic... is what Audi confidently decreed when it named its 2009 electric concept supercar. But while they were high-fiving over a celebratory bratwurst, the name was really hitting the fan in France. “e-Tron” is French for excrement.
No, not Russell Crowe’s new past-time now that he’s a single man. Built by the Gaylord brothers as a concept for the 1955 Salon de Paris show, the V8-powered Gladiator was an ultra-luxurious coupe with an ultra-terrifying pricetag. It was never mass produced.
Mitsubishi Mum 500 Shall We Join Us
When Lamborghini runs out of heroic bulls after which to knight its new supercars, it could learn a thing or two from this three-cylinder Mitsubishi micro-car. Rolls right off the tongue.
Honda Life Dunk
In 2000, Honda launched its oddly-named Life Dunk. Sold in Japan, though it was zippy thanks to an itty-bitty turbo, its name suggests it would drain you of joy and make you miserable. A bit like Melbourne’s weather...
Isuzu Mysterious Utility Wizard
The only thing mysterious about this ’90s soft-roader was the unidentified substances being consumed by Isuzu’s marketing people. Thank Holden it was called the Frontera here.
Geely Beauty Leopard
In 2003 Chinese car giant Geely launched the Beauty Leopard: a car neither beautiful, nor a leopard. It had a 1.3-litre Toyota engine and, catering to the suicidal, would do 180km/h. Outside of China, it’s famed for being the first car with a built-in karaoke machine. Seriously.
Mitsubishi Mini Active Urban Sandal
Succinctness has clearly never been a strength of Mitsubishi’s product naming department. Though it never got past the concept car stage (that’s a shame), the electric, no-frills MAUS was 1995’s answer to the Smart ForTwo.
Mazda Titan Dump
Sure, it’s not a car, but even a Commodore Sportwagon with the rear seats folded down wouldn’t have the space to carry, well, a titan dump, whatever that is. So Mazda created its Titan Dump light truck with a generously-appointed tray, for Metamucil enthusiasts.
Mazda Bongo Brawny Van
Apart from its name, there’s nothing even remotely ‘brawny’ about this Mazda tradie van. The Brawny Van was a long wheelbase version of the weirdly named Bongo, which thankfully was renamed ‘Econovan’ by Ford when it was sold in Australia.